


dying is easy young man, summer is harder

by martziey



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: (he thinks its tea), Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crappily Written Fluff™, Disabled! Peggy, Drug Dealer! King George, Drunk! Laurens, Genderfluid!Lafayette, I HAVE A LOT OF TAGS OKAY, I'm Going to Hell, Lams - Freeform, Multi, Peaches the Snapping Turtle, goodbye nonexistent life, goodbye world, summertime
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-22
Updated: 2016-05-29
Packaged: 2018-06-09 22:45:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6927010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/martziey/pseuds/martziey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To put it nicely, Alexander Hamilton hates summer. He's always had bad memories of it. There's nothing to do and it drives him crazy, practically to the brink of absolute insanity. But, this summer, John Laurens exists (ft. the Schyuler Sisters), and our dearest Hamilton might just have a very interesting summer after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1. How to Steal A Turtle ft. Peaches and a Drunk [cute] John Laurens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexander Hamilton gets bored and a drunk John Laurens tries to steal a snapping turtle.

Alexander Hamilton was not going to survive this summer. The school year had been great, it had been filled with precious moments such as him roasting Thomas Jefferson's sorry ass, meeting his best friends, and moving in with his adoptive family, the Washingtons.

Lafayette was going to be in France all summer, which means that the house would be in a severe lack of the colorfully-dressed, energetic presence. Besides Laf, all of the Schyuler sisters were off in vacation in upstate New York, which meant there would be no Angelicas to debate with, no little Peggys to entertain with crappy puns, and no mom-friend Elizas to chastise him on all of his bad decisions.

Hamilton would be so bored with Lafayette gone. He would be so bored with no Thomas Jefferson to roast. He would be so bored with no Schyuler sisters living next door. He would be so bored with no writing to be done, no assignments due, and no shitty teachers to piss off. All in all, he would be bored all summer, and he just couldn’t take that.

Picking up his phone, he dialed the one person he could always count on to make things interesting. "Hey Laurens! Wanna come over? I'm _boorreeed._ It's been _a whole day_ since school's ended!"

"Not right now, Alex, you nerd!" John Laurens replied. " _Agh, damn,_ " John hissed into the phone. 

_"What are you doing?"_

"Nothing, nothing at all. Um, do you mind helping me steal this turtle? I'm at the pet store in town on Miranda Avenue. It's closed, though. I'm still wondering why you're calling me at 2am in the morning." _I'm wondering why you're stealing a turtle at 2am in the morning._

Instead of replying with a witty remark, Alex just said, "What." 

"I'm trying to steal this turtle BUT IT DOES NOT WANT TO BE STOLEN."

"John, why are you stealing a turtle? I mean, of course I wanna join in, I'll be there in a few, but why?" He crept down (more like stomped, but he'd never admit it) the gilded staircase of the Washington mansion, using one hand to pull a sweatshirt on and the other hand to carry his phone.

"Okay, so you know how last Christmas I told Lafayette to get me a turtle and only then I'd forgive them for dropping my glass turtle figurine? So they got me a turtle, but one, it died like ten days after for some reason. So now I'm getting a snapping turtle from the store, and I'm going to train it to hate Lafayette, and when the baguette gets back from France, Peaches the turtle will bite their face off."

Alex coughed. "You sure you're not drunk? Or high? And Peaches, really? For a fucking snapping turtle?" At first, Alex was smiling because Laurens was probably drunk, and a drunk John Laurens was still a very cute one, plus a snapping turtle biting Laf's face off was a very hilarious concept.

John waved it off as he gulped down a drink that Alex assumed was probably some kind of alcohol. "Peaches is a wonderful name, a name people and turtles everywhere shall learn to fear!!" He giggled, a high-pitched giggle that made Alex realize that the boy was most definitely drunk, as if the earlier ranting wasn't proof enough.

 _Yeah, sure, John._ "I'll be there soon to make sure you don't get your fingers bitten off."

"I'm not gonna get my fingers bitten off!" John protested. "If I did though, I'd be Captain Hook! Arr, arr, hoist the mizzenmast, ahoy mateys!"

"You'd have a hook for a finger?"'

"Mhm, I'd be the bestest of pirates, dontcha think? Captain Johnny Hook with his bo-um, fuck- comrade, Sir Alexander Hamiltrash and his pet Peaches the Snapping Turtle, tuning heads and snapping necks!"

"What the-"

"FUCK." John completed his sentence. "ALEX, I HAVE A GREAT IDEA."

"Wha-"

"I'M GONNA SEE IF I CAN MAKE PEACHES THE SNAPPING TURTLE FUCK AN ACTUAL PEACH."

It was at this moment that Alexander Hamilton decided that if he wanted to make sure his friend didn't get severely injured, he would have to get to the pet store as quickly as possible.

"John, no wait, don't do that!"

 _"I'm bringing sexy back,"_ John hummed. Alex decided that John was probably trying to find a peach for his pet turtle to fuck, if he hadn't already found one. _"Those other turtles don't know how to act." One more moment of John's off-pitch singing and I'm hanging up._ Alex thought. _"I'M BRIN-"_ Alex hung up.

A minute later, Alex parked in front of the pet store. The pet store had terrible security, no alarm at all, just a metal lock placed on each entrance. _Then again, who would rob a pet store?_ He found several bobby pins on the sidewalk, along with an open lock lying on the ground. He crept inside the store, unsurprised to find John on the floor, a creepy smile on his face as he tried to force a tiny snapping turtle to copulate with what looked like a squeaky orange rubber ball. 

Alex's first thought was, _That is not a peach._

 _"Everything's a dildo if you try hard enough,"_ John hummed. Alex made a mental note to make sure that Hercules kept his innuendo-making self away from Drunk John. The last time they had a conversation about dildos, Hercules decided to try and see if a horse plushy could be used as one. They decided never to talk about that _incident_ ever again.

"HAI ALEXANDER." John said, sitting up a bit to take another swig of the beer in his hands. Laying a bit away from him was a whole set of mostly empty beer bottles. _I'm wondering how he hasn't pissed yet. He probably pissed in one of those beers._

"John, are you okay? Are you bleeding? Why the hell are you here? Actually, never mind, don't tell me. Come on, we're going to my house." Alex took his friend's hand and pulled him up.

"If you wanted to fuck me, Alexander, you could've just asked," John winked, a completely _serious_ expression on his face despite the bloodshot eyes. "By the way, George's party was so _booze_ , I mean great. I mean, same thing."

"How many times do I have to tell you, don't go to George's parties!" Alex rolled his eyes.

"Relax, chillax-o, dear Hamil-o, I didn't drink the 'tea', if ya wanted to know," giggled John, an arm draped around Alex's neck as he stumbled out the pet store with a turtle attached to his finger. "Also, I think I might need a band-aid for my finger." He only just noticed that Peaches was biting down on his finger in an attempt to be freed.

"Ya think?"

"Mhm." Alex opened the passenger door to let the drunk boy in. "Nice ride." John commented, looking around with unadulterated awe.

"You've ridden in it before."

"I know!"

_"Multiple times."_

"I know."

"You realize you're dripping blood all over my leather seats."

"I know."

"We're here," Alex said with a resigned sigh as he typed in the password that opened the gates to the Washington home.

 _"Yayyyy,"_ John cheered. "Oh god, I think I'm gonna be sick."

"Oh no, you are not puking in my car. Get your drunk ass out of here right now!" Laurens then proceeded to puke in Martha's least favorite rosebush instead. _At least it was that one and not the other rosebush._

After the puking, Alex had to drag John up the steps of the mansion as quietly as he could, making sure to clean up the trail of vomit and blood later. He hid the boy in his (giant) closet, and then rushed to fetch some water. Taking the water out of the refrigerator, Alex decided he should take the whole gallon, and bring some chewable aspirin and some apple slices as well.

He handed the hungover boy a clean sweatshirt and the food, medicine, and drinks. "John, I hope you're awake. I'm not putting this sweatshirt on for you." Alex pulled out a first aid kit from under his bed and then continued to wrap gauze around John's bloody hand, making sure to gently pull the turtle away first.

"There. Now we both can sleep. Hopefully the carpeting in my closet is good enough for your drunk ass." Alex said with a tired laugh, putting the turtle in a holed box for John tomorrow. "G'night, John."

There was no answer, just loud snoring. 

Later that morning, there was an article in the town newspaper about a break in at the local pet shop, and a vicious baby snapping turtle that was reported missing. George and Martha also did not question why John Laurens was eating breakfast with them that morning wearing one of Alex's sweatshirts. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm apologizing in advance because I rarely ever update anything. So, I'm keeping every chapter as a one-shot that can stand alone that way, but I'll be posting every A Very Hamilton Summer one-shot on this fic. This is my first Ham fic, so bear with me please. Also, I might post some art for this on my tumblr (martziey-art) and I'll make sure to mention it when I do! Thanks!! - mare/mary


	2. 2. The Schyuler Sisters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You've got an Angelica to the left, a sleeping Peggy in the middle, and an Eliza in the right car seats. Let's just say, during Schyuler Sisters Road Trips™, shit goes _down._

" _Angelica!_ " Eliza protested, trying to pry her phone away from her sister by reaching over the sleeping Peggy, who was in the middle seat trying to nap amongst all the chaos.

" _Eliza!_ " Angelica retorted, mimicking her tone, and scrolling through Eliza's phone. "How many times do I have to tell you to stay away from that Hamilton boy? Be careful with this one, love."

"I am! Sheesh, Ange, you have zero things to worry about! Besides, weren't you the one eyeing him at the Winter's Ball last year?" Eliza smirked triumphantly as she snatched her phone back from captivity.

" _-and Peggy!_ " Their little sister's voice startled them. They didn't even realize she was awake.

" _What the-_ " Angelica sent Peggy an incredulous look.

"Oh, wait, we're not doing that anymore, are we?"

"No Peggy." Eliza shook her head. "That was so late."

"Dangnabit." Peggy sighed. "Well, at least I tried." Eliza patted her shoulder comfortingly.

"Continuing with our earlier conversation," Eliza turned back to Angelica, who huffed and rolled her eyes indignantly. "Hamilton is probably gay for Laurens anyways."

"Darling, there's no probably there, it's a _definitely._ " 

"Why do all the attractive guys have to be gay? I have no problem with it, it's just slightly disappointing."

"Honey, just do what I do!" Angelica advised.

"What? Watch aesthetically pleasing people from afar in a creepy way, and if you can score, then you score, and then you forget about them a day afterwards?" Eliza replied. "I'm not you, Angelica. The only thing you ship yourself with is a mind at work, and that mind is yours." 

" _Savaaaage,_ " Peggy said from the background (well, the middle but nobody's listening so she might as well be in the background.) 

"SHUSH, PEGGY!" Both sisters chastised simultaneously. 

"Finee. I'll try to nap while you two argue like a bunch of old maids." Peggy replied, but everyone already stopped listening and we're continuing on with their endless banter.

"I do not score, then forget about them. I score, and then I stop caring about them. _There's a difference._ "

"Mhm." Eliza crossed her arms.

"Don't look at me like that, Betsey! I've had enough of your mother-henning!"

"Oh, I'm being the mother hen? Really, Angelica, who was just telling me to stay away from a perfectly fine, probably gay, boy?"

"The air. And besides, he's probably bisexual."

"Maybe, but I've got no chance with Laurens around."

"I'm sorry to say this, Betsey, but we all know you're too nice to get rid of Laurens."

"Why would I do that?" Eliza looked aghast. "What do I do then, oh Wise Angelica?"

"Join me in being a single pringle forever?" 

"No, I think I'll just go after the both of them."

"What."

"You'll see."

"Okay."

"Guys! We're back!" Peggy pointed to the gates of their Virginian mansion. 

"Oh hey look, is that Hamilton and Laurens? _Oh god, they're trying to fight Thomas Jefferson again!_ " Eliza said, peeking out the window to look at their front lawn. 

"Lemme see!" Angelica leaned over Peggy to look out the window. "Holy crap, how did they even manage to get past the security?"

"We have terrible security, Angelica. The real question is _what did they do to the security?_ "

"I don't know, Eliza, let's go find out!" Angelica tapped on the partition that separated their passenger compartment from their driver. "Monsieur Jacques, could you open the doors now please?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second one-shot! If you're wondering, none of this crap is in chronological order. The order is mostly left to the imagination, but this one is located near the end of the summer. Also, I FOUND A TURTLE ON MY FRONT STEP. IT WAS FUCKIN' FATE. Unfortunately, I could not keep the turtle, my parents released it into the wild (aka our front yard). I managed to call it Peaches before it left, though. Goodbye turtle, thank you for visiting my humble abode. I took a picture which I'll be posting on my instagram later (ig is linked in my tumblr.) COME TALK TO ME MY TUMBLR IS MARTZIEY-ART. - Mare (ps thank you for reading this crap if you got this far, this is my first venture into the trash can that is glorious hamilfic.)


	3. 3. Sinner Sinner Chicken Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dolley Payne makes bomb-ass chicken nuggets and Thomas is an oblivious rich boy who somehow does not like The Breakfast Club.

It was this moment on this day that Thomas Jefferson realized the only reason he and James Madison were friends with Dolley Payne must've been because she made bomb-ass chicken nuggets. Those fried (Southern specialty, according to Dolley), juicy, dinosaur-shaped pieces of absolute _heaven_ were each stacked neatly on the ceramic plates."Well, damn, Dolley, these must be the best chicken nuggets I've ever tasted! What's the recipe?" Thomas said, having already devoured a whole tower of chicken nuggets. Sally Heming's, Dolley's girlfriend, was ripping off the heads and attempting to throw them into James's mouth, though the other boy seemed to not be paying attention to the badly-aimed chicken nugget dinosaur heads sitting on his head. Thomas was stretched across the couch, his legs on Sally's lap and his head in James's lap.

Dolley pulls out a package of frozen Tyson chicken nuggets out of the freezer and held them up with an indignant look. 

"Haha, you've got to be joking, Doll, these are too good to not be fancy-schmancy chicken nuggets." Thomas laughed nervously. _What else would they be?_ Thomas thought. _We all know dinosaur shaped nuggets are a luxury, I don't think poor people would go so far as to make processed chicken dinosaur shaped!_

"I'm not joking, Tom. I take these frozen nuggets and dump a bunch of canola oil in the pan. I turn the stove on. I fry the nuggets in the pan and turn them around after a bit," Dolley rolled her eyes. "These taste pretty good too!" Dolley took a steaming nugget from her plate and bit the dinosaur head clean off. 

"She ain't wrong," Sally added, throwing yet another dinosaur head at James, who actually caught it that time. "Woot, Woot! _Goooalllll_!" Sally cheered, leaning back into the side of the coach with her arms waving in the air.

" _Anyways, going off the subject of Thomas being an oblivious rich boy,_ " Dolley said, rolling her eyes once more as she plopped down on the carpet in front of the couch. "Let's watch a movie!"

"Clueless!" Sally suggested at the same time Thomas suggested "MEAN GIRLS!!"

"Calm your tits children, it's James's turn to pick." Dolley threw the remote to James with a flourish. He caught it and then looked helplessly at Thomas who shrugged in reply. 

"You're the chosen one now, Mads."

As you can see, James Madison was rarely ever the one making decisions. He left that sort of thing to Thomas, who tended to make most of the decisions for the group. When James did make the decision, it was always carefully thought out and extremely precise to the point where it took him hours to make a good decision. At the moment, everyone in the room was looking at him and James knew that this was his chance. _It was now or never._

"I say we watch.." James turned on the TV. "The Breakfast Club!"

Sally and Dolley cheered and patted James on the back. " _Not again!_ " Thomas wailed, his voice muffled as he face-palmed. 

And for once in his life, James actually made a good split-second decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a whole chapter about chicken nuggets BECAUSE I'M A DORK AND I'M OBSESSED WITH THEM. If you would like me to recite the recipe of fried frozen chicken nuggets, feel free to ask! (Literally the only things I can cook are rice, chicken, and pancakes, aka the essentials of life itself.)
> 
> Come talk to me on my tumblr @martziey-art!! (PLS IM LONELY AND I LIKE GETTING ASKS!!)  
> Constructive criticism and comments (and kudos) are welcome!!


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